For many years I was lonely.
There is no doubt about that whatsoever.
The pits of my core being was devoid of anything whole — at the core I was lonely.
To give you an idea of what loneliness can be it is not what most think; you can have a wealth of family and friends around you but the torment can be seen in the eyes. The eyes have long been foretold as a window to the soul.
It does not matter how many friends, lovers, or acquaintances you have, if you are lonely you will not be able to escape this feeling.
Loneliness is all encompassing, it is the deep knot you feel in your stomach as you are trying to drift off to sleep but your mind takes over; envelopes you in darkness, fear, and the will to just give up.
Why bother, right?
A lot of people fight with this; speak softly to themselves that they cannot be lonely because of all the material wealth they have, the jobs they work with, the high flying people they surround themselves with — they can not be lonely because their life is full to the brim with abundance.
But is it?
A story if you may about my life.
I was once a young man with goals, and I was going places. I earned more than the regular twenty one year old; I had three jobs, and I had the choice of three careers should I need it.
My friendships were plenty. I had three tight nit friends and people I could spend time with should the occasion call for it.
My life was full of energy and high octane days; if I was not joking with my colleagues at the office, or in the industrial kitchen, I was beering it up with my friends in the bar.
Yeah, life was good.
Or so I told myself.
But if you travelled to the depths of my soul you would see a little boy crying out for some love in his life; just wishing to be seen for the person he was.
See, both my parents were alcoholics and as they loved me in their own way they did not really know me.
I say this because in their eyes both mum and dad wanted me to be the version that was carved out for me; a dream of an intelligent boy with his life all laid out for him.
Professional golfer.
Top tier universities.
Striking partnerships.
And yes, I wanted all of this but the life I was hurtling towards was not this; and to say I was a disappointment to this vision is an understatement.
My mother only wanted good for me but she always expected way too much — she cried when I decided to go to college instead of university; that my life was now over and I had effectively destroyed it.
And I was always living in my father’s shadow — the man that had travelled the world, visited places most people only dream about; my dad never took kindly to me straying off the beaten path.
And yet all I ever wanted to do was find love and settle down with a family.
If I was honest with myself I never really wanted fame nor riches or the high pressure that it comes with — I just wanted happiness and someone to spend my life with that knows ..
.. me.
And god willing a child that I could pass my life’s work onto.
It mattered a whole lot to me but I was trapped between the expectation of career and self from others and what I wanted for myself.
And through that I turned out to be incredibly lonely.
Trapped between expectations and the reality of what burns in my soul.
It is a lot to live up to.
Because no-one saw me for me and the man that burned for love.
You can find out how that all turned out here — it is a good story:
But I think now we are getting into the meat of this article on what is loneliness and that is — not being seen for who you are.
There is something that I have learned recently and this is your life becomes incredibly richer when you surround yourself with people that know you for you.
Those that do not try and mould you.
Nor place you into a Pidgeon hole.
Or demand anything from you.
Just let you be you.
I think most people are trapped in this cycle. Stuck between who they want to be in life but see messages from people like Andrew Tate telling you that you will not be happy unless you have a billion dollars.
But that is all bullshit.
Ask Andrew who he truly trusts and loves were his fame and fortune to go flying out his window — who would it be?
No-one.
You need people around you that understand you and will pick you up when you are down and will roam the edges of the earth with you just for the adventure and thrill of it and having the fortune of doing it by your side.
These are your people.
Loneliness is the art of not being truly seen, and that is all.
Most people are lonely today; most people go through their life absence of heart not knowing what it is like to be seen — but they know nothing else so they plod on with their lives thinking this is the way it must be.
This first time I was truly seen it stopped me in my tracks. I even cried a little. All that person did was sit and listen to me for thirty minutes and that was it.
I was not interrupted
I was taken seriously
And I was validated on everything I said.
Many people lack this in their lives and it is where the darkness festers; it is where the void of hate creeps in with its dishevelled hands clawing at the stomach that should feel heat and warmth.
Most people are stuck in between the pressures and expectations of the modern world and who they truly are.
This can be confusing for most.
And it is why most walk around the world aimlessly bashing and falling into things that do not fit them nor resemble them but they do it anyway.
I say to hell with what society wants of me.
I will do my own thing.
And if I help at least one person with my writing then I am a very happy man indeed.
